I told you I am working on a book, Hopefully I will soon be able to make some cohesive sense out of all the excerpts I've written. I imagine this will be part of it as well but I felt I wanted to share it with you here.
The Ways Within
There is a way within myself. The path I see in my mind is merely the inner way turned to what I outwardly know... what my outer vision sees... or has seen. In my meditation I can sit by a stream with my back resting against the broad trunk of a favorite tree. I can become lost in the peaceful sounds around me as I become one with all. This, I have physically known and experienced... a place where I have always found peace and comfort.
The road within... the one I see with my inner eye... is not nearly so comfortable. There have been deep chasms and, with a great fear of falling into nothingness, I struggled to hold onto the cliff-like walls... resting on narrow rock projections offering little more than a toe hold. Fearing the unknown, I climbed carefully down from one ledge to another... always striving to stay within the light from above. I knew I had to overcome my fears, let go and allow myself to fall into the threatening darkness.
I summoned my courage, took that leap of faith, let go and fell into that dark, bottomless abyss. I lost sight of the light from above and was swallowed up in the blackness. There was nothing left for me to do but surrender to my fate. It was at that time of complete surrender I saw it... a tiny light coming from the depths... growing larger and brighter as I continued to fall toward it. My speed seemed to slow as I came nearer and nearer and eventually fell into it. I felt myself lifted, supported and held by this great Light and it was here I knew true love and absolute peace. I never wanted to leave.
Though I have come to always see and experience this light... knowing it is always there... my inner journeys are very seldom alike. The traveling takes different forms and often demands much of me but I find each to be an awesome experience. Each has something to teach me and I come away from each with a deeper understanding of God in me.
As scientists believe there is a crystal at the very center of the earth, so I came to know of the crystal located within my own center. For me, it was at the very bottom of a volcano which I saw as being deep within myself. My journey consisted of navigating rivers of hot molten lava giving off flames of fire. The rivers flowed between large rocks and boulders, each flowing in a different direction. My attention was on jumping from rock to rock... often having to cross the fiery rivers.
On reaching my center I stood on a rock and watched the rose-colored crystal give forth and pump that lava throughout my body. Those rivers carried the fire of God’s love and their purpose was to fill me with it.
The Heart of God
Past the flame
of volcanic fire,
into the depths
of the holy pyre.
O’er hot coals
and embers’ glow,
it’s ever deeper
I dare go
until I too
melt and flow,
become as one
with my soul.
Ever deeper
I do go.
There I see
the lava flow
through my veins
hot and red
as blood would be
if I bled.
Further still
I must go
until the source
I come to know.
Ah, I have found
what feeds the flame,
pushes lava
through my veins.
It lies here
deep within
But how do I describe?
How do I begin
to tell you of
this heart I see?
It’s the source of all
the love in me.
I took each journey many times until they became a part of me. Once that happened, I would find myself on another... each one a progression in my knowledge of God and myself... God and me. I hadn’t thought to write about them until experiencing my most recent inner journey. I was told then that I must share.
One night, as Mary and I were having a phone conversation, I had a very strong feeling of being drawn into myself. I couldn’t explain it and I couldn’t describe it... though I searched for words, wanting to share it with her. “There is a deep awareness of ‘something’ within me,” I told her. “I say ‘something’ because it has no name or definition. It simply IS.”
The next day I found myself being drawn ever more deeply into myself. It was not a slow journey, but one which took me directly to my center. There, I was much surprised at what I saw! My previous journeys had always taken me to my center... where I recognized the God presence... but stopped there as if it were a dead end and I could go no further. Neither did I want to go further. I had no desire to experience more than that totality of God. But this was different...
This journey didn’t have a final finding. As I was drawn more deeply inward... I wasn’t aware of steps I had to take or encounters along the way... I was simply lifted as air and pulled toward my center. On arrival, I stood before the gateway to the universe. It opened and I saw myself flying among the planets and the stars.
I was overcome with awe and found myself asking, “What does this mean?” The answer I received was this:
Going inward we find God, yes, but we do not find God in a confining space... or only as a crystal or light in the core of our being. We find God in the unbounded expansiveness which sets our souls free to fly... an expansiveness large enough to hold everything in Love... all people, all things. all of creation... and it's all within our selves! It is the Christ.
God bless!
Connie
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