The Agony in Painting

I am in the process of doing a painting...one which I continually question myself about because it’s different from anything I’ve ever done. Quite a while ago a picture came into my mind consisting of both good and evil...God’s work versus the devil’s work. I wrote about it in my Journal and put it out of my mind. Recently, however, it came back into my consciousness and though I tried to talk myself out of it, I knew it was meant to be a painting.

There’s an evil side to this painting which, for reasons unknown...or reasons which will make themselves known... I feel has to be shown. I’ve been extremely affected by the evil in the world, the murders by ISIS, the bullying of children, spousal abuse, the selling of women and children into prostitution and slavery, companies taking advantage of people’s need to work and not paying them enough to live on... equivalent to slave labor. I’m upset about fracking...the raping of our planet...with those who will ignore natural power sources for the sake of greed. I’m upset about those wanting to run a pipeline through Native American lands, risking a legitimate Indian war.

I’m upset with those who twist God’s words, using them in such a way to raise themselves as false idols, greater than God. I’m upset with those who fight so hard to take God off our money, out of our pledge and out of our lives. I’m upset with those who use others for their own gain... who make money and worldly success their gods. I’m upset with those who ignore the starving on their doorsteps while their tables groan under the weight of abundance.

The thing about representing this evil in paint is, I have to feel it. In order for me to paint it, I have to feel the depression, the pain, the desolation, the greed, the disregard...and I do....until it becomes real enough to express visually. This was the main reason for my hesitation. I didn’t want to feel it.

Having to feel what I paint doesn’t just stay in the studio. The painting, until it’s finished, remains a part of me and has a definite effect on other parts of my life. My soul cries. My heart aches. The one redeeming factor is, once I can get back to finishing it, there is hope...and light... yet to be painted. I am not there yet but I can see it waiting for me.