Dear A...,
You seem to have come to a crossroads in your life. Of course we always have crossroads... forks in the road where we must choose one or the other. But there’s a difference in coming to what we may define as a crossroad and hearing a specific calling. You, my friend, are being called.
The problem, as I see it, is your fear of venturing into the unknown... fear of losing control of your life (which you’ve never really had anyway). The sad thing is when you and I allow these unfounded fears to direct our path rather than trusting and looking forward to the adventure ahead. We make excuses and the words, “I can’t because...” become a constant part of our vocabulary.
I had to smile as I just said that. Whenever we used those words as children, my father’s response was always, “There’s no such word as ‘can’t’.” I know, as well as you knew him, you are smiling too. Thankfully, I heard it so often I came to believe it.
Fear is a terrible thing. It smothers us, takes away our ability to breathe, causes panic and paralysis sets in. What are we afraid of? Usually it’s the ‘unknown’. We want to be sure before taking the next step. We want to control... not only our own lives but the lives of those around us.
You are a fantastic artist. The problem, as I see it, is that you haven’t painted for years...always letting life get in the way. The more time that’s passed, the harder it is for you to get started again and you began with the excuses. You admit you want to paint but neglect to mention your fear. Fear, I think, of not being good enough... or as good as you were when your paintings were selling. My response is, “Good enough for whom? For what?” How often we set ourselves up as judges and the person we judge the most often and most harshly is our self. We set standards we feel we have to meet. What ever happened to doing something just for the fun of it? Leave the past in the past. This is NOW. A whole new beginning.
You and I are both in the twilight of our lives... a nice way of saying we are getting older. Our aches and pains are our constant reminders. We’ve made it this far, have overcome the many obstacles life has put in front of us. There will be more. There are always more. But so what? We’ve taken the detours but we’ve always returned to our path... the path that’s set before us... the path that has surprises around every bend... the path which makes our lives such a wild and wonderful adventure.
Should we sit in the middle of the path and not move because we’re suddenly afraid of what’s around the corner? If we sit there, we will rot and die there. No, my dear friend. Grab hold of Life and continue your great adventure. Your path is well lit. There is nothing to be afraid of.
Most of all, my dear friend, do it for the FUN of it. There is no one we have to please so there is no judgement. Let the Spirit within you be in charge.
With love and great joy,
Connie
